Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize