why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
