and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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