Don't make out with my wife yet
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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