I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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