if only i could text you this smell
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
