Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
