He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was born a porn star she said
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
