Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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