During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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