So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
