Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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