yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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