you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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