I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize