I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My bed smells like the plague
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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