he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
