wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
