Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize