**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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