She is in my trunk
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
