one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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