I wish they made helmets for livers.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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