Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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