he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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