it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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