Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
