My first STD was from a foam party
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize