people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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