I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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