Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
