butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
