If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
