She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
