Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
