I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
