Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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