No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
