ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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