i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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