im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
