Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
