I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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