youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
