all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
