Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
PS: I just woke up from my shower
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
