I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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