your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i out mim tonsoeep
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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