i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They have beer where we have blood.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
