I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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