she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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