i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize