so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize