I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
