bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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