You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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