just tell him i said nine months
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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