Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
