She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My ass is underappreciated
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
