My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize