Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
