she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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