I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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