I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
kristin has been a bad kristin
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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